Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
