dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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