I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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