i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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