i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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