Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
