Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
