Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
