You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so let's talk penis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
