so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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