Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize