1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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