my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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