Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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