you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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