A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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