Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
