remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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