are you still at the devil's house?
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
