Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
