a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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