I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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