How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
