Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
