Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
