You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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