I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
