If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
