try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
