I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
