weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize