the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
