I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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