I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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