I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
