An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He? As in you personified your dick?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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