Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is it penis luge time yet?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
