Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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