I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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