is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
