This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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