i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
