So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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