What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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