i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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