I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
