If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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