you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
