Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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