i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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