Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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