I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
