VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize