I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
