and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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