White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
