In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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