girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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