the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize