We won't sleep together?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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