You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
