If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
