I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
