yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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