You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
