My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
