i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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