The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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