I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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