she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
are you so shy because you have an std?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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