New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
