Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
