Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
