The maid of honor just puked.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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