i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize