Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize