nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
