Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
