May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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