she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
