new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We are all done wearing pants today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
