this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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