New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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