no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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